When I first found out about my husband’s infidelity I was shocked, stunned, devastated, and heartbroken — completely broken, actually. The list of crushing adjectives goes on and on. Sound familiar?
I’ll share all of the down and dirty details eventually. I’ve found — over the years of trying to heal — that the only people who truly “get it” are those of us who share in the sisterhood of the philandering husband.
Here are my basics, my sisters —
— At the time I discovered my husband’s (to be known from this point forward as the “X”) infidelity we had been married for almost 15 years. I thought things were good — certainly not perfect, but we still held hands, laughed together, the sex was good (I thought), and we even still called each other “sweetie.”
— The first affair I found out about (he swore up and down that it was the first, but telling the truth wasn’t exactly his strong suit) happened when we had been married for only 5 years. Our girl child was 3 years old, and our boy child was 1-1/2.
— Here’s what he admitted to (only after I confronted him, of course):
— His first affair was with an HR rep that worked at his company. They hooked up in his hotel room at different conventions their company attended. She was younger than him and had a boyfriend. I’ll call her “L.”
— His second affair was with his boss’ secretary. That affair went on for almost 5 years — during that time my dad (who was my hero and my inspiration) was diagnosed with and then passed away from lung cancer. The X, of course, played the dutiful, supportive husband the entire time my dad was sick. He was very, very good at playing the part. She is the one he wrote that oh-so-touching email to in my first post. She was 10 years younger than him and also had a boyfriend. She’ll be known as “T.”
— While he was “dating” T (his phraseology, not mine), he also hooked up with a woman at one of his company’s many out of town conferences (I know, I know, he probably hooked with lots of women, but he only owned up to one — you can’t get blood from a cheating stone). She’s “M.”
— Again, while “dating” T, he began a relationship with “A.” What is significant about A? She was the mother of our girl child’s best friend. Yep, you read that right. The girls went to school together, played softball together, and even got lice together (ah, the joys of elementary school). Because our girls were so close and I didn’t want the girls to find out the seedy truth, even after my discovery of the affair I still had to see A frequently.
— As things cooled off with T (now it was reaching long-term status and that equaled boring to the X) and A decided to try to make things work with her husband, the X found a new playmate. Enter “E.” E was the mother of the boy child’s best friend. Thank God we only had 2 kids!! E’s husband also just happened to be the X’s best friend. The 2 husbands coached our boys’ baseball team together. The X and E’s affair was in full swing when I caught him.
— Beyond those women, I also discovered (via a secret email account the X had set up) communication with old high school girlfriends, visits to dating websites, and, of course, numerous visits to porn sites. Ugh.
So see, you aren’t alone, my sister. You aren’t alone.